What it Means to Be An Adult Skater

By:  Matthew Leissring

Telling your body to do something and watching, helpless and horrified, as it does something else.

Getting a medal in nearly every competition you enter, no matter how badly you skate.

Sharing the ice with kids who have never seen you compete.

Having a drink with your coach after a competition or lesson.

Needing said drink.

Dreaming of what might have been had you taken up ballet at the age of six, like your mother wanted you to.

Dreaming of what might have been had you taken up any sport, like your father wanted you to.

Having watched your coach compete during his/her youth.

Having a coach who is still in his/her youth.

Feeling you're over the hill, until you meet someone twice your age who is also twice as good.

Really feeling over the hill after said encounter.

Rooting for your opponents and actually meaning it.

Having actually seen the musical or movie that your showcase program is set to.

Knowing the name of, and being familiar with, the classical piece your coach selected for your technical program.

Knowing the same for all the other technical programs at the rink.

Being asked to serve on the board every time you approach a club official with a concern or question, to get a signature, or to buy ice time.

Protesting that all your spare time is being used for practice ice as it is.

Serving on the board anyway.

Taking the Intermediate Moves test for the eleventh time in five years, along with kids who worked on it for less than two months and will never need to worry about it again.

Getting more attention than the kids do when you finally land your Axel.

Getting (or having) to play Santa Claus (or Mrs. Santa Claus) in your club's Christmas show.

Actually paying close attention to your lesson on moves.

Having to pay close attention to your lesson on moves.

Realizing that most of the skaters you watched as a kid are now: a) celebrities, b) coaches, c) retired, d) dead, e) considered early pioneers of the sport.

Getting the judges to laugh during your Light Entertainment number.

Getting the same laughter during your Dramatic number.

Having to skate with: a) a partner half your age, b) a knee brace, c) a helmet, d) wrist guards, e) Depends, f) a hip replacement.

Being mistaken for a coach by people at publics sessions, and parents of new club members who see you lacing up your boots.

Never having this happen after they see you skate.

People at work who believe you are an abuse victim because you leave as soon as possible every day, are unreachable by phone most evenings, arrive exhausted, tell the most unlikely stories, and are frequently limping and bruised.

Being haunted by recurring dreams about Axels, deep sit spins, and perfect skates.

Looking forward to the next dream.